


Goodbye to July

by prophetsdream



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, No Beta, Post Mpreg, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25257622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prophetsdream/pseuds/prophetsdream
Summary: They were supposed to have a family, but life had other plans.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 8





	Goodbye to July

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this sitting in my folder for ages and i never wanted to post it because of the topic. its sad. i cried writing it. 
> 
> i'm sorry. please forgive me.

Stillborn.   
  
The doctor pronounced her dead at birth and along with her went his heart.   
  
There hadn't been that shrill, expectant cry or the doctor saying congratulations— no, there was none of that. Instead, there was a nurse saying her apologies and asking if they'd like to see their daughter before he was stitched closed and sent to his room, where they would be able to dress and hold her for the first and last time.   
  
Tears that were supposed to be of pure happiness were those of sadness and the tight, comforting embrace of his boyfriend should have been shared with their little girl, but it wasn't. It would never be.   
  
She was dead and had been for quite some time, according to his doctor. If his doctor had known something wasn't right from the start, why hadn't she tried harder? Why didn't she warn them? The least she could've done was give them a heads up so they wouldn't have been shocked by the news.   
  
Harry wondered what happened to his little girl. As far as he was concerned she had been fine just the day before. Hell, even hours before they left for the hospital. The strong kicks against his stomach were testaments to her health; she had been fine and alive.  
  
Apparently life had other plans and it left him without his daughter— a little girl that would never get to experience life. Her life had been over before she was even given a chance to start it. What happened? Why hadn't he noticed that something was wrong?   
  
Why?   
  
_Why_?   
  
**Why** did these things happen to him? Life really liked to shit on him.   
  
The entire situation was ironic, he thought. They had been forewarned that with male pregnancies the child would have a fifty fifty chance at making it to term, let alone birth, and if delivered there was a still a chance the child wouldn't survive. They knew. They both knew and still decided to go through with it. Look where that got them.   
  
He was supposed to die, not her— never her.   
  
She was supposed to have a long life, even if that meant being raised by a single father and not ever knowing her birth father. That was fine with him because he lived his life and he would have gladly given his life in order for her to live. Harry thought it was a fair trade, his life for hers, but fate didn't work that. Sadly. She was gone and he was alive.   
  
Harry remembered the day he found out about her; he had been ecstatic and couldn't wait until Louis got home to tell him the news. Louis had said to him several times during their relationship that his biggest dream was to be a father, if not biologically then adoption was fine. Harry, at first, hadn't believed him, considering the amount of men that had been in and out of his life growing up. It took Louis gushing over their friends having kids for Harry to know he was genuine in his want for a child of his own. He just hadn't found the right person to have a child with until Harry walked into his life (tripped into him, but that's neither here nor there). He had taken Louis' dream and turned it into reality.   
  
One that Louis didn't want to believe until Harry's clothing began to get tight and his little baby bump appeared. Harry had to stop wearing baggy clothes just so Louis would believe that he was actually pregnant. It had been around his nineteenth week that he decided to start showing off his baby bump— not that it would have made much sense to keep hiding it anyway since he was going to get bigger the more time went on. That was inevitable. The day he decided to own his bump had been the day he didn't have any more large t shirts and spent half the day trying to hide from Louis as he didn't feel good about himself. Louis, on the other hand, had been so, so loving that day as Harry cried and told him that he didn't like the way he looked. Louis had to remind him that he was growing and taking care of their child. Louis told him that he'd never been more beautiful than he was in that moment with tears in his eyes and his arms trying to hide his stomach. Harry, for the first time since becoming pregnant, believed him. He actually felt as beautiful as Louis said he was.   
  
However, Harry felt as far from beautiful as he could as he sat on the uncomfortable hospital bed, stitched up with another wave of sobs threatening to escape his throat. Slender fingers carded through his sweaty curls as he trembled. Louis pulled him closer, being careful of his incision and he rocked with Harry, silent tears sliding down his cheeks. Harry buried his face against Louis' neck, an arm wrapped loosely around his boyfriend's waist. Harry was vaguely aware of the voice talking to him. It took Louis shifting his position slightly for Harry to look up at the doctor that didn't bother to save his child (though he knew it wasn't her fault).   
  
She was waiting for an answer— one that Harry wasn't prepared to give her and Louis knew, so he motioned for her to leave the room. Harry heard him tell the woman that they needed a moment to themselves.   
  
"Harry," Louis' voice was barely a whisper against the beeping of the heart monitor and quiet crying coming from the broken boy in his arms. "Harry, love. We have to name her."   
  
Harry looked at him, tears filling his big, green eyes. Louis gave him the smallest of smiles, one that barely moved his lips as he reached up and wiped the tears from Harry's face. He had to stay strong, no matter how much it hurt him. Louis told himself that he had to remain strong for Harry, because while he was upset, he couldn't even begin to imagine how Harry was feeling. Louis' heart hurt as he thought about the things going through Harry's head and the amounts of agony Harry was dealing with. It seemed wrong to him, sitting there and being forced to name their child when she wouldn't ever know it. No wonder Harry hadn't responded.   
  
"You do it," Harry choked out, pulling away from Louis to lay down and face the other direction.   
  
"Together, Haz. We'll name her together." Louis offered softly, leaning down to press his lips against Harry's temple.  
  
"I can't..." Harry whimpered, turning onto his side and attempting to curl up, despite being told that he needed lay on his back. "It hurts too much."   
  
"I know, baby, but she needs a name."   
  
"Later, Lou." Harry muttered.   
  
"Whenever you're ready," Louis whispered, placing another feather light kiss against Harry's temple before he laid down behind him, their bodies molding together like puzzle pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't have a beta. i edit it all. all errors are my own.


End file.
